


i see you

by veronicassadboi



Series: we're in for the long haul then [2]
Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, THESE TWO ARE UNDERRATED AND IM SICK OF THEM BEING SLEPT ON, Y'all are sleeping and I have insomnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22932337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronicassadboi/pseuds/veronicassadboi
Summary: Jackson takes her hand as he gets out of his chair. “I’ll tell you what’s more important…” he replies quietly.“Go on,” Viv says as she leads the way with his hand in hers.“Getting out of here,” he replies.But it wasn’t what he wanted to say.What’s more important to me is you.The thing that wasn’t in his perfectly packaged life that had been laid out was her, but she was the only one who stopped him from drowning.It was like she liked to see him swim.
Relationships: Jackson Marchetti & Viv Odusanya, Jackson Marchetti/Viv Odusanya
Series: we're in for the long haul then [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643095
Comments: 7
Kudos: 72





	i see you

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something that reflected Jackson and Viv in my Wileyburn fic 'in a house with big windows' and this is what I came up with. I guess, with the right amount of inspiration and support, I could do a background fic on our favourite smart!Viv and shakespeare!Jackson.

**_i see you_ **

* * *

There’s a feeling that catches in his throat that feels a lot like drowning. And drowning, he knows a lot about. There’s a split second when Jackson’s in the pool before he takes his first breath in which he tries to strive for that little bit of extra distance. He pushes a little harder, just to try and get ahead and there’s this moment in which he’s not sure if he’s going to take a breath or if he’s pushed himself too far. That’s what drowning feels like. It’s the unknown. And when he feels it, he’s never near water. 

There’s a split second when he’s under the water in a bath with the muffled voices of those he loves bellowing through the walls, even sinking into his bath water where he tries to drown the noise out. He’d sink a little further, letting the water creep up his neck, over his mouth, up his nose. In that split second, he wonders just how far he’d push himself. All he has to do is sink...

But the years he put into training came with a great lung capacity - Viv’s words, not his. And there’s only so much pushing Jackson can take until he breaks and  _ breathes _ .

There’s a big, dark void inside of him.

“Just breathe, Jackson,” Viv whispers.

He allows himself just this once and for her.

He thinks,  _ I want to tell her she’s what makes me sane.  _ Instead he tells her; “Thank you.”

They sway as if they’re dancing. There’s a sadness in her that’s covered up with her worry for him. Jackson reads Viv like a heartbeat.

_ Ba-boom-ba-boom-ba-boom.  _

She laughs over the way he dips her backwards, and they sashay as if they’re in a ballroom.

They’re in his bedroom, there’s an argument going on behind the doors yet, her smile blocks it out. 

He manages to  _ breathe _ .

* * *

They’re sharing chips from the chippy and a bottle of Fanta, yet, she’s nose deep in her papers and he knows he should be doing something productive. 

He didn’t know what to do. In a world where he’s so sure of himself, he wasn’t sure of what to do. There was an entire life laid out in front of him, step by step as if it came prepackaged with instructions but this didn’t come with a manual or a step by step guide. This was all pure heart and guts. The feeling of drowning is purely instinctive. 

What smacked him in the face, hard and fast was that he hadn’t even told his mums. Everything had to be run past them but this, this he held on to tightly. There was a fear that ran deeper than his panicked spurts of adrenaline. This was the fear of the unknown. 

Routine ruled his life. Banana in the morning’s right down to nine o’clock glass of water before bed. His morning swim routine that he never snapped out of even when he gave up swimming right down to kissing both of his mums goodnight. This wasn’t part of his routine. 

The static noise that used to rule his world, that made everything spin and become just too much was now replaced with Viv’s heartbeat and her all too booming laugh. It shakes him to the core, but it settles him. Sometimes the emptiness is filled up instead with her laugh and grin. It helped him not be scared. He’d chase that feeling forever. 

When she tells him that forever is a long time and it doesn’t really last in the real world, he asks her where her sense of romance is. She doesn’t have time for romance and he doesn’t have the heart to allow himself to get hurt again, so he’ll laugh along too.

Viv clicks her tongue from over a book. “You can’t sit here and watch me all day.”

“I’m not. I’m sitting here with my girlfriend while enjoying a nutritious lunch,” Jackson says, giving her a wink.

She sighs, shaking her head. “You’re stressed.”

“I’m not now,” he shrugs.

The look she gives him shakes him, it tells him just how much she worries about him and the extent she goes to keep him safe. “There’s more important things than worrying about university,” she tells him. “There’s more important things than thinking you’re letting people down. You’ll never let me down.”

It was something he couldn’t control, feeling the pressure. But the pressure only ever eases when Viv’s with him. There’s a whole lot of truth when she’s the one that speaks it. “But my scholarship…”

Viv stamps her foot this time, shooting a glare at him. “I’ll tell you what’s more important than your scholarship, yeah?” she snaps. “Your mental health. Your ability to relax. Not pretending for once.” 

He takes her hand as he gets out of his chair. “I’ll tell you what’s more important…” he replies quietly. 

“Go on,” Viv says as she leads the way with his hand in hers. 

“Getting out of here,” he replies. 

But it wasn’t what he wanted to say. 

_ What’s more important to me is you.  _

The thing that wasn’t in his perfectly packaged life that had been laid out was her, but she was the only one who stopped him from drowning.

It was like she liked to see him swim. 

* * *

The train station is cold in the winter, he pulls his coat around his neck and he’d chewed on his bottom lip until it hurt. He’s always had a nervous shake in his leg when he felt like he was drowning. But he knows this feeling feels better than completely drowning when Viv leaves. 

He didn’t really know what to think about Viv leaving. He knew Cambridge wasn’t all that far away. He knew it was her dream and passion to go there, and he didn’t really know his own. Pretending to be so sure of yourself comes with a price, and the price is not really knowing yourself but somehow, she knows him.  _ Maybe she’s just that smart… _

When everything fell around him, she picked up the pieces. She was the only one who didn’t make a big deal about his lack of scholarship. She was the one who stayed up all night just to come over in the morning with a presentation of what his options were. But he didn’t even know what he wanted to do at university, so the next day she came up with another presentation of things she thought he’d be good at. 

Everyone else couldn’t even keep their disappointment from their faces, and they all stood around the water and watched him drown all over again. 

Even now covered in layers and a backpack that was too heavy to keep on his back, the drowning seems to cease when he thinks about her. How her laugh is booming and loud, how when one of her braids fall into her eyes as she’s studying, she tries to blow it away. When she walks ahead of him with her hand in his, she always swings their arms and how no matter how much he’s unsure of everything, she has a way of recalibrating things. 

He couldn’t lose his best friend or his ability to float. 

Milburn says that on time is late, so Jackson made sure to arrive almost a whole hour before Viv was due at the train station, just in case he’d managed to talk himself out of his plan, he’d have enough time to run away. But the time was nearing, and he couldn’t back out now. 

Jackson feels tears in his eyes. Slightly burning, but also relieving at the same time. His therapist says that letting emotions show is healthy, but he always has a constant tension in his jaw that’s only really let go when Viv says he can breathe. 

“Jackson, I see you…” Viv calls from the other end of the train station. 

“What?” he asks, words lodged deep in his throat, resting just inside his diaphragm. They make his stutter and his voice crack. “What?”

Viv drops her bag before putting her hands in her pocket. She walks over, tears seem to brim on the edge of her lash lines.  _ But Viv doesn’t cry, _ he thinks. 

There’s a moment when they’re eye to eye. A loose braid comes out of the messy bun on the top of her head which she tries to blow away. She doesn’t say anything, she takes her hands out of her pockets and grabs his that hang by his sides. When she holds on tight enough, he finally allows himself the luxury of breathing. 

Inhale, exhale, he reminds himself.

_ Ba-boom-ba-boom-ba-boom… _

“I see you, Jackson,” she says sternly. “I see a man that faced his fears and followed a dream.” 

He lets himself breathe. He closes his eyes and leans in. The softest of brushes of his lips against hers. 

And he finally felt he got something in return when she kisses him back. 

“Breathe,” Viv says. 

And so he does. 

* * *

He wasn’t sure of what their life was supposed to be like. He was certain of the life he’d been told he should aspire to, but Viv always told him that conforming to cookie cutter lifestyles are a dangerous life goal.  _ You’ll only be let down if you try to live like that… _

He was certain that leaving for Cambridge was the best thing he’d ever done. Whenever he used to wonder where he saw himself in ten years, Viv was there. Her grin was the only thing that got him out of bed in the morning, her warm embrace made him want to be a better man. Her constant nagging is what pushed him to get to university after a year of dwelling on it. She kept him up each night until two in the morning studying, she was the one who pushed him to help other students that felt like him.

Like one day, they might drown and that would be better than living. 

She wiped his tears, he wiped hers. She never showed as many tears as he did, because she was always as tough as nails.

They both moved all the way to Cambridge. Cambridge is only a one and half hour train ride from London and sometimes seeing Maeve, Otis, Ola and Lily made things worse, because the homesickness catches up. 

Their flat is covered in photos and in their bedroom, they’re surrounded by photos of them. Quiz Heads, his new social swim team, Viv’s volunteering days and all of her works framed on the walls.

“The course of true love never did run smooth…” he says one evening as they lay in bed, his eyes running over the moments of their new life.

Viv rolls over on her side. “Again with the Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

He nods. “I see you, Viv. I see you as the headstrong, intelligent woman you are. I see you as the person who saw me for more than face value. I see you as the one person who bothered to stop and listen to me. I see you as the person I love and cherish… The person who took me to Cambridge even though I wasn’t supposed to go and you weren’t supposed to take me. The one person who let me find my way while holding my hand the entire time -  _ shit _ ,” he says with a laugh. “You let me live with you even though I had no job, no scholarship, no idea what I was going to do.”

He breathes when she breathes. She takes a deeper breath, letting him fill his lungs. She smiles gently with sunlight on her cheeks and eyes brightened. He sees her for all that she is. Viv nods. “Of course. Because I see you for what you are, Jackson.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “I see you as the man that I love who loves me for the woman I am.” 

He doesn’t hesitate. Viv always told him that his impulsive reactions are part of defence mechanism - unsure of what to do, so he does the first thing his heart and head tell him to do. “Viv, would you marry me?”

“ _ Would _ I?” she asks. 

“ _ Will _ you?” 

He wasn’t sure of what she’d say. She had a plan for everything, and though he had always been certain he wasn’t part of it, he somehow managed to slot in. They just  _ fit _ and they just  _ were _ . They existed together, and for that, he was grateful. 

He watches her face change. From grinning at his slightly cheesy favourite of Shakespeare’s, to absolute disbelief, to a notch down from anger. “Why?!”

He shrugs, moving closer to her to land a kiss on her cheek. “Because you’re the reason why I breathe.”

* * *

Sometimes, he wonders if he’d done the right thing. He knows in his heart, everything is perfect. But did he steal Viv’s perfect away to replace it with his own? 

Viv’s intelligence was beyond anything Jackson could ever comprehend. She had a perfectly placed plan for the two of them, but two became three faster than he’d ever thought possible. She graduated Cambridge with a teaching degree because she simply wanted to give back to the community. 

He always knew he wanted a family of his own. One that didn’t argue all the time or have too many unreachable stars in the sky - the expectations were suffocating. She graduated and he was so close to graduating too. When he had told Viv he wanted to be a school counsellor, she didn’t meet him with disbelief - she met him with understanding, because she knew he knows what it’s like to feel lost. 

Everything in Viv’s life has a place, soon after graduation, she picked up a job. She allowed a further six months for him to get grounded in his position. Planning for a family usually allows an entire year before exploring health issues if it doesn’t happen, she told him. She’d upped their insurance before they even started just to be sure. 

They didn’t need to explore anything, it just happened and while he was shocked, she wasn’t. It was like she knew everything. 

Viv brought their son into the world in a pool full of water. Jackson thought it was fitting, Viv understood the repercussions of an epidural and avoided a cesarean section at all costs, knowing exactly what recovery would be like from the sheer amount of books she read. He didn’t get it, but she did. 

Jax Odusanya-Marchetti was born with a full head of hair and thin legs. 

Jax was everything Jackson ever wanted, Viv’s amazing amount of dedication and strength when she brought their son into the world was something he could never forget. Their life was content and happy, his entire body was full to the brim with love. 

But a white picket fence with kids and a house out in the moors may be perfect, but was it going to be enough?

He holds his son to his chest, kissing his head gently, Jackson feels the fear creeping up his neck. 

“Jackson?” Viv says with a sigh. 

Her tiredness is apparent, but the smile she wears tells him she’s happy. “Yeah?” he replies. 

_ “Breathe.”  _

* * *

It went full circle. Viv got the position as head of the English department at Moordale Secondary, Jackson got the role as guidance counsellor. There was nothing he loved more than helping out the kids and he finally got to make something positive out of his swimming background, coaching the social team. 

On their way home, they hold hands as they cross the bridge. He misses seventeen year old them. The laughs while they walk, the ridiculous back and forth with him not understanding even a little bit of her pure smarts. He loves the new them, but he misses the old days. 

“Hey Viv?” he asks. 

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever think we’d be here?”

He can tell she’s thinking. He knows the way her face screws up a little as she ponders. “I didn’t even think I’d have a friend until uni.”

“You had more than a friend,” he laughs, leaning into her shoulder. 

“I had a lost puppy as a tag along who managed to convince me that he was my boyfriend.”

“Lucky bastard he is, innit?” he says holding out his hand for her to fist bump.

She fist bumps him back. “I lucked out too you know.” 

He looks around the trees, over the railing of the bridge and back to her. “We came home,” he says in a breath. “I came home with the person who is my home.” 

“Better to raise Jax here anyways. Will you tell him this is where it all began?”

“Probably,” Jackson replies. “I’ll say it all began with you.”

He knows that when people ask where exactly his life began, he’ll say at the start.

When two people saw each other for the first time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you loved it? hated it? wanted more of it?


End file.
